Higher Education

In 2002 I received my undergraduate degree. It was a big day in my life. In 2004 I received my graduate degree. It was an even bigger day in my life. On January 21, 2010 I received my "mom" degree. This by all means, was the biggest day of my life...

Up until then I was working full time plus a part-time job. I was career woman! Even when pregnant I was plugging away at my career, attending trainings to keep my social work license active, and long hours at work didn't phase me- even during my third trimester when I could no longer see my feet!

And I knew that once Cora was born, I would leave the busy career life behind and trade my DSM-IV in for "What to Expect the First Year." It was our plan. About two months prior to me getting pregnant I had landed a part-time job working just two nights a week doing outpatient counseling for kids. The goal was to one day, when we started a family, that I would work just part time so that I could be mom by day and therapist by night. For once our plan matched up with God's and here we are today living out that exact strategy...

I have to admit, when I first realized that it would be many years, if any, that I would once again return to the working world full-time, I had a bit of an identity crisis. Here I was a motivated young woman, eager to climb to the top in my career to suddenly find myself no longer needing to iron my clothes on Sunday night and no need to post a "TGIF" on FB. Everyday automatically became a "TGIF".

I found myself almost to embarrassed to say "I'm a stay at home mom." I have never once knocked the decision of any woman that was in a position to stay home and raise their kids. I always found it to be admirable.

But admiration seems to escape you when you are living the part. I felt like I lost my identity as a "strong woman" and now was the "little wife." Not that anyone was making me feel this way at all. It all came from me. So I made sure I told people that I work part-time still in my career field so as to validate myself as a "successful woman".

But now, as time goes by, I have fallen in love with this new "degree". I do still work part-time and I would be lying if I said it was only to keep my clinical license up to date. The reality is that it gives me some time away from "mom land" and I can also role model the importance of going forth with an education and career to be successful in the working world for my daughter. My mother did both and I am the person I am today because of her. I want to pass that on...

But what I didn't realize that when I idolized my mom for being a "career woman" an an active mother in my life, I had it backwards the whole time. My mom was a mom first. Her job worked around us. I get it now. Because I am doing it now.

I don't miss the stress of worrying about sick or vacation time. If my kid is sick, it's ok, because I am home. If Hubs gets to go to a conference somewhere awesome, that's awesome cause I have all the vacation time in the world!

I can be the PTA mom, a T-ball coach, car pooling, coupon-clipping, homemaker, and therapist all at the same time. I looked at my husband the other night and for the first time since I left my full-time job, I said with 100% sincerity, "I don't miss it." I love waking up each morning and drinking my coffee from an actual mug instead of a travel mug. PJ's are pretty much dress code until I have to leave the house. I only work 2 nights a week so my "Mondays" are actually Tuesday and my "Fridays" are Wednesdays. My work clothes rotation extends quite a bit now as I only need to get dressed twice a week! And the money I save on gas...

But most of all, I am here for my daughter. Here for her good days and not so good. Here for the milestones and the Dr. appts. Here for her. I am blessed that we are in a position to allow me to stay home. But then again, I know me and Hubs, if we weren't in the position, we would change our lifestyle so that we would be. Think about it, when you were in college, you did whatever you needed to do to try to get into that one class that you absolutely needed. Well, mothering is one hell of a class to sign up for!

So Cora you WILL go to college, it's not an option. And you will learn to support yourself one day. But if your destiny is to marry and have children, I hope that you learn from me what I learned from my mother, that this is a world where you can do both. But to remember your priorities and to keep them straight. And that I make mini-vans look cool.

What I've learned so far....

Ok, so we have been parent's for three months and as any parent knows, you learn A LOT about you, your child, and your marriage in such a short amount of time. So here is a list of what I have learned so far:

1. Newborns are cute and snugly, but boring compared to a 3 month old!
2. The first time your child smiles at you, it's probably gas.
3. The first time your child intentionally smiles at you, it's a natural high (like you huffed gas!).
4. Babies can projectile fluids from BOTH ends.
5. Diapers are the death of your income.
6. Our mothers seem to forget every negative thing about raising a child and are convinced that the times your kid is fussy that there must be something wrong.
7. Babies are fussy. A lot. Nothing is wrong with your child. They just are.
8. Daytime TV sucks.
9. You initially missed being at work, then you began to love grocery shopping on a random Tuesday morning.
10. Your husband amazes you with his "daddy skills."
11. Your dog amazes you with her intuition on protecting the baby.
12. You learned to nurse without having to take your whole shirt off.
13. Diaper bags never seem to be big enough.
14. Both you and baby need wardrobe changes frequently.
15. You can walk around with spit-up on me all day and not even notice.
16. Wiping your own kids nose on your sleeve isn't as gross as you think.
17. You covet that first glass of wine or beer that you can have!
18. Babies don't sleep as often as the books say they should.
19. Babies never do what the books say they should.
20. In an instant, your world changes completely to revolving around the needs and care of the most precious gift possible, and you are willing to do what ever it takes to make her little life as perfect as you can. :O)

Season premier!

Ok so I realize I have not written since November. For one, I was very pregnant by the end of the year and my sausage fingers were not in any condition to type! But I will bring you up to speed on my life. Think of this as a season premier with a recap from what happened last season!

We will start with the arrival of our precious little Orange Seed, now known as Coraline Michele ("Cora") when she entered our world on January 21, 2010...ok here's the back-story:

So two days prior to Cora's debut (1/19) my body started to show some signs that it was preparing for childbirth. However these "signs" (details are not necessary nor appealing!) did not indicate that labor would start within 2 days, it could still have been a week or more away but nonetheless things were starting to change.

The day before I went to the mall to walk around in hopes that I would walk myself into labor. At that time I thought it was an unsuccessful attempt! But did treat myself to some new makeup :O)

Then comes Thursday morning (1/21) and the fastest day of my life! At about 3am Thursday morning I woke up with significant lower back pains. At first I thought I had over done it at the mall so I did not think too much about it. I was hungry (which during those last weeks it was not uncommon for me to grab a 3am bowl of cereal!) so I went downstairs to eat and hung out with Bazil. Still noticing my back pain, I began to pay closer attention and realized that these pains were somewhat rhythmical and that this could very well be labor. I believe that this is the point to which I had an out of body experience and just watched the rest of this wild day from afar as it just did not seem real! :O)

At about 5am I woke John up and told him that I was pretty confident that I was have regular contractions. He popped right up and was elated. I however wanted to strangle him as the pain continued to increase! :O) We decided to hold off on calling the doctor as the contractions were still somewhat irregular (but strong!) and we conveniently had a 930am Drs. appt, So at 6 we got up and showered, I did my makeup (glad I bought that!) figuring that would be the last time in a while that I wold have the chance too, and off we went to the docs.

We go tot the docs early and the receptionist questioned why. I told her that I was pretty sure I was in labor and the whole office erupted in excitement (this apparently doesn't get old for people who deal with this on a daily basis). So we sat in the waiting room waiting for the doc to get there as she was not expecting an early appt. As I sat there the receptionist would keep an eye on me and when I would have a contraction she would ask me and then talk about how much it probably hurt. Thanks lady, like I really wanted to focus on the pain. So instead I channeled my focus to imagining that I was going to punch her instead. It helped!

9:30 FINALLY came and when Doc checked me out I was 4 cm dilated already. She sent me on down the hall to the delivery end and there waiting was my epidural! Wooooo! Don't get me wrong, those that go natural with child birth more power to ya, but I'm not one of them! When I go to a dentist to have my teeth pulled I want Novocaine. When I am about to experience the worst pain of my life, I want the BIG TIME Novocaine! John left the room for the administration of it (understandably as I wouldn't want to watch a giant needle plunging into my spine!).Within minutes relief came and John and I were able to just kick back and watch tv until the big moment....

Which came later that afternoon! At 2:15 I paged the nurse and let her know that I felt like there was pressure that made me want to push. She came in and laughed when she checked me as she had no idea that a first time pregnancy would move so quickly! So she began the process of pushing with me and told me most moms push for the first kid for about 2 hours. 50 mins later at 3:11 our little one was here! It was quite surreal as we were just chatting it up between pushes with the doc (did I mention that I LOVE the epidural?) and I remember lying there thinking, "Umm there's a kid about to pop out of me and here we are talking about random stuff as if we are waiting for our pizza to get here." But instead of a pizza was a 8lb 5.7oz 21inch long baby girl that was plopped onto my lap after John cut the cord. (He by the way was awesome through the whole delivery-encouraging, relaxing and exciting as all heck!).

Now the rest is history. Bazil has adjusted very well to becoming a big sister and she can't get enough of Cora. Hubs and I are loving our role of being parents and it is no doubt what we were meant to do together. And Cora has assumed her role quite well and has provided many entertaining moments! But more about those in upcoming episodes!

Bedtime Stories...

So it's been a while dear blogg, my sincere apologizes for being so lax in my blogging duties...

I find myself sitting here on a Saturday night as a pot of Chicken Riggies slowly simmer on the stove, Christmas music playing quietly from my computer, hubs in the other room playing on his computer, and Bazil scampering around the house unable to decide if she wants to sleep or play, so she does both!

It's not just any Saturday night, it's the 21st of November. Today my father would have been 67 years old. Now no sympathies needed as I am at peace with his passing, however, it does bring a bitter sweet emotion thinking about him. Bare with me blogg, as I may jump around a little as I stroll down memory lane...

I wonder what he would look like? Gray hair, same build, probably tan from living in a warm climate as my mom desires, same mustache, and wearing golf shirts with elastic waisted pants!

I call my mom every day but make special note to call on my father's birthday. We don't dwell on the fact that he is gone, instead it's an unsaid understanding as to why I am calling and "checking in on her" as I often do.

There isn't a day that passes that I don't think of my dad. Heck, I see him staring back at me every morning in the mirror (thanks for the honker of a nose dad!). But during the holidays, and now especially as I sit here almost 8 months pregnant, I find myself day dreaming of what both past memories and fictional pictures of what life would be like if he were alive today.

On a side note, Bazil must realize I am in a thoughtful mood as she kindly just dropped her toy squirrel on my lap and laid at my feet...

Ok, back to the day dreams....

Thanksgiving was a pretty laid back holiday at our house. Mom took the reigns in the kitchen (which we all stayed out of as it was just a safer option, trust me), and the rest of us would hang out watching the Macy's Day Parade and random movies on TV. My dad was not at all interested in football so thankfully we got to veggitate watching Turner Classic Movies and eating nuts out of the cornucopia that my mom would fill each year. Dinner would be served and then, bam, off to sleep we all fell on the couch...my head usually laying on my dad's lap where I could hear the gurgling of his stomach.

Christmas was a little more chaotic. For many years we spent them at my grandparents house. But as we got older, we started staying at our home. Midnight mass was a tradition, as was eating seafood all night and busting into the shrimp cocktail at 1am after church. Dad would light a fire and (after we stopped believing in Santa) we would open presents, allowing us to sleep in Christmas morning.

As a kid, I always wondered why we were the only family that left wine and cheese for Santa and sometimes even a powdered jelly donuts. My dad had good taste! I look forward to hubs and I creating our own special treat for Santa. I can see us leaving rice crispy treats with a mug of hot chocolate, two of John's favorites. :o)

My favorite New Years Eve (also my birthday) was when my dad had maybe 2 or 3 at the most glasses of wine. My dad was somewhat of a light weight when it came to the alcohol scene. Ironically, both my brother's take after him and my mom and I can punch a bottle of wine back with no worries (that helped a LOT in college mom, thanks!). But there was my dad, happy as can be, ringing an old antique bell that we had hung while wearing chef's hat and wishing us a Happy New Year. Classic...

These day's I find myself wondering what it would be like to see my dad as a grandpa. No doubt in my mind he would be amazing. Kind, patient, innovated...all amazing qualities that a grandpa would have. I know he has been watching over me as my pregnancy continues to progress and I love and embrace the times that I remind myself of him. Whether it's when I am in the kitchen, cooking and singing like he used to, or finding myself with unexplained patience at times that I should be frustrated, I know these are the moments where my father's legacy carry on through me and will ultimately be passed to his grandchild...

My kid is going to be the luckiest in the world...I'll have great bedtime stories to share with him/her about a courageous, honorable, loving man. A man named Grandpa.

Well blogg, Bazil is demanding some attention. I'll leave you with this: I bet my dad would have loved this dog and I have no doubt that she would have absolutely licked him to pieces!

The Adventures of Orange Seed Cont'd...

So since I have been preggers, I have learned much about myself and how pregnancy changes everything there is about you! Since this adventure has begun, I have successfully grown cahoonas that would make Dolly Parton jealous and now sport the ever so sexy pregnancy panel pants (they look like normal pants till you see that instead of a waist there's this amazing stretchy fabric that leaves room to grow! Not to mention they actually give me a butt!) and the pregger shirts. For whatever reason, it apparently is desired by those that design pregnancy clothes to give EVERYTHING poofy sleeves. Like Deb's sleeves in Napoleon Dynamite. Arg! I am ANYTHING but a poofy kind of gal.

Cravings? That's a common question. Well there was an incident with a sudden disgust for a pasta salad that I usually love. I opened the fridge, took it out, and immediately had to wrap it back up and run away. Fast. Another night we went to Red Robin which is a great burger place. For WHATEVER reason when I saw that there was chicken parm on the menu, I had to have it. No questions asked. Ok, now read that line again..I, a Fazio, grandparents from the mother land, Utica native, ate an Italian dish from BURGER JOINT. Hubs advised strongly against it but I was insistent. And I was wrong. Dead wrong. Like the I might as well have worn a Red Sox hat at a Yankee game kind of wrong. Two bites later I was sufficiently nauseous and ready to leave.

Last night I had the undying desire to eat pickles...at 11pm. Odd night time snack but hey, better than a sacrilege ordering of Italian food in a burger place. Today I packed away half of a GIANT cup cake that was calling to me at the store. Orange Seed was quite content with this choice..

Another great side effect to pregnancy, increased ability to be a bitch. Yes! I typically am a very passive person that probably tolerates way too much. I have a lot of "inside thoughts" but filter them well and speak more kindly than I probably should. Well, good bye filter, hello blunt and sarcastic remarks! I must say that this new found bitchness within me is very valuable in the work setting, especially when it comes to annoying co-workers!

On July 2nd, hubs and I and our first ultrasound...and once again, all modesty went out the door! As we waited in the exam room, I made the mistake to look at the machine and saw this large wand-like item draped over it. This can't be good. What happened to the external ones that you see in the movies all the time? Like when they squirt the goop on your belly and they rub the little machine over you and there's your baby!? Well FYI the FIRST one is an internal exam since the baby isn't big enough to see with the external exam yet.

So the tech comes in and she explains to me and hubs what she is going to do. In goes the femur-sized scope and up on the screen pops our little baby! So as this woman is swishing this wand around in me like she's freaking Harry Potter, I attempt to stay distracted by watching hub's face as he is enthralled in awe of the image on the screen. Oh, did I mention, I can't see the screen yet. Nope, Harry Potter needs to do a overhaul on the whole area before and once she was done I was privvied to the experience! She was a sweet lady, she even apologised for leaning on my knee..really? My knee? You're casting spells in my womb, you've gone where no woman ever has and ever will have gone before and you're apologizing for leaning on my knee. Wow.

Anywho, once the Defense Against the Dark Arts class was completed, she turned the monitor my way and there it was... a little blob, aka, our little Orange Seed. We saw it flinch (I say "it since we are not finding out what we are having) and when we heard the heartbeat Hubs squeezed my hand and we just took in the amazing miracle before us.

So here I have attached Orange Seed's first pics! Awe in our miracle and try not to connect that the pics are of my intimate innards...its weird. :O)

The Adventures of Orange Seed...

Ok so as my darling (and newly married) sister-in-law has pointed out I have abandoned my Blogging responsibilities for too long! So sit back relax and enjoy this lengthy update on my life! (don't worry, I promise to make it entertaining...)

Let's rewind to a life changing day this past May, May 19th to be exact. This was the day that one little stick and two blue lines changed our lives. Yes my dear bloggies, I m pregnant. Bun-in-the oven, on a 9 month alcohol fast, mini Buddha...and whatever else you want to refer to this as! That moment that the faint plus sign appeared I ran into our bedroom to tell John. He was in disbelief (we had been trying for a while) and had me test again. Then again later that day with a digital test (aka an engineer's piss stick). Four tests later he believed the news and instant excitement and worry filled us both! Bazil was quite excited but was more interested in her Greenie at the time...

Two days later we were in the car on our way to Utica for my sister-in-law's bachelorette weekend (go fig that the time we finally get pregnant is when I have a weekend planned at the vineyards in NY). All the way to NY hubs and I debated on if we should tell our family. Most people wait until they are out of the high risk zone (end of first tri-mester) but we decided that we couldn't wait and we would want our family's love and support no matter how things went.

So we pulled into the driveway with the biggest news of our lives and no one had a single idea. We did our usual hugs and hellos when we got there and small talk on top of it. finally we go to the time when we wanted to give my mother-in-law her Mother's Day gift. As she opened it hubs informed her that we didn't have enough notice to get her a Grandmother's gift. It took a minute or so for her and my sis-in-law to realize that we for once were not referring to our pup, and instead that a human- two-legged-thumbed child was the news. Instant tears and hugs followed...

Then there was the phone call to my mom! When I asked her if she was ready for another kid to call her "Mima" she told me that I better not be talking about another dog and that this better have two legs (sensing a trend?). Once confirmed that this grandchild would eat form the table and not from a bowl on the floor, she instantly started with the questions and then not even an hour later began emailing me links to different baby sites. The baby was referred to as "Orange Seed" since that was what size it was at that time.

So now we had this BIG secret that up until a few days before, only Bazil and my nurse at work knew beyond us. The fam was sworn to secretcy until after my sis-in-laws wedding in June, about a month away. Not too hard to keep right? WRONG! Let's again remember what my obligations were that weekend: a vineyard hopping bachelorette weekend! Ahh! So the plan was for my sis-in-law to stay by my side and drink up my samples. We would play it off as me being a responsible DD (even though anyone who knows me knows that I can certainly handle my wine in LARGE quantities), and that I would find pleasure in getting the bride-to -be intoxicated at 2pm. Ironically it was a plan that worked quite well!

So time went by and we hid the morning sickness (which for me was really just an undying need to eat ALL the time or else I would feel like crap-not too different from my usual self!) from friends, family and coworkers (probably the hardest to keep from since they saw me the most). The only one's that knew the big secret of the Orange Seed were our immediate family and my BFF from grade school (I wanted to call her from the bathroom that morning, stick in hand, but hubs requested that we tell fam first...understandable!).

On June 22 we had our first Dr.'s appointment. Hubs came with me as a good husband would. Little did we know that it was going to be one of "those" appointments. You know, the silver duck bill was out and ready and I assumed position feet up in the air and ready to be "explored". While I was used to this routine, poor hubs was NOT. I tried to keep the moment light but our doc didn't exactly catch our humor. For instance, as she proceeded to give me a breast exam, I looked over to hubs and told him that "this was the closest thing to girl-on-girl he was ever gonna get". She didn't seem to get it......

All went well and even though we did not have an ultra sound and hear a heartbeat yet, Doc felt that we were in good shape. That night we decided that the morning after the wedding we wanted to tell the rest of the fam since we would see many of them in person. And, at this point, my boobs had grown form an already impressive size to freaking floating devices that one would throw out to Godzilla! In addition to my clothes were starting to fit snug and if you had seen me you would have wondered if I was packing on a few!

So long story short, the day after the wedding we began to share the big news! All were excited and I could eat without feeling as though people were looking at me as if I should cut back, and start to leave my top button of my pants undone to make room for the inevitable sprouting of dear little Orange Seed!

Mondays...

I have an uber case of the "Mondays"..if any of you have seen the movie "Office Space" then this reference will bring some chuckles, if not, then you can certainly appreciate the obvious meaning behind this statement...

The "Mondays" for me actually start on Sunday evening. Every Sunday I whine about having to do the ironing and make the lunches for the following day. I even find myself having adult temper tantrums in protest to the inevitable week that is ahead. My husband just shakes his head and reminds me that I'm a "big girl now" and then has to tell me to go to bed because I will stay up late just to avoid waking up and having it be Monday.

Then Monday gets here. I find myself doing a great deal of self motivational speaking in the 45 minute car ride to work. I try to make sure that my I Pod is well stocked with upbeat songs that will energize me for the day ahead of me. I walk into my work place and boom...there it is - Monday.

As I continue the self-motivation I begin to either become super productive at work OR I become Queen Procrastinator. Today I was a Queen! Ha!

As the day unfolds I get some things accomplished, listen (pr pretend to listen) to my co-workers stories about the weekend, and frequently day dream about anywhere else but work. It's like the weekend never happened!

After lunch is when true misery settles in. Like clock work, I get a headache EVERY Monday at work. No matter what preventative actions I take, such as eating frequently, keeping hydrated, or even proactive Tylenol, I still find myself suffering from the pain in the frontal lobe of my brain! Ugg!

But alas, I survived another Monday and I know that my Tuesday will be better. Wednesdays are usually decent and Thrusdays are typically a good day at work. On Fridays the "Queen" may make a reapperance but overall Fridays are my fav. Then there is a brief moment of bliss called "the weekend" and poof...we are back to the same old scenario Sunday evening.

So if anyone has figured out a cure for the "Mondays" remidies are welcomed! Maybe Obama will fix this too after he pays off my mortgage and creates world peace. Oi vey!