In 2002 I received my undergraduate degree. It was a big day in my life. In 2004 I received my graduate degree. It was an even bigger day in my life. On January 21, 2010 I received my "mom" degree. This by all means, was the biggest day of my life...
Up until then I was working full time plus a part-time job. I was career woman! Even when pregnant I was plugging away at my career, attending trainings to keep my social work license active, and long hours at work didn't phase me- even during my third trimester when I could no longer see my feet!
And I knew that once Cora was born, I would leave the busy career life behind and trade my DSM-IV in for "What to Expect the First Year." It was our plan. About two months prior to me getting pregnant I had landed a part-time job working just two nights a week doing outpatient counseling for kids. The goal was to one day, when we started a family, that I would work just part time so that I could be mom by day and therapist by night. For once our plan matched up with God's and here we are today living out that exact strategy...
I have to admit, when I first realized that it would be many years, if any, that I would once again return to the working world full-time, I had a bit of an identity crisis. Here I was a motivated young woman, eager to climb to the top in my career to suddenly find myself no longer needing to iron my clothes on Sunday night and no need to post a "TGIF" on FB. Everyday automatically became a "TGIF".
I found myself almost to embarrassed to say "I'm a stay at home mom." I have never once knocked the decision of any woman that was in a position to stay home and raise their kids. I always found it to be admirable.
But admiration seems to escape you when you are living the part. I felt like I lost my identity as a "strong woman" and now was the "little wife." Not that anyone was making me feel this way at all. It all came from me. So I made sure I told people that I work part-time still in my career field so as to validate myself as a "successful woman".
But now, as time goes by, I have fallen in love with this new "degree". I do still work part-time and I would be lying if I said it was only to keep my clinical license up to date. The reality is that it gives me some time away from "mom land" and I can also role model the importance of going forth with an education and career to be successful in the working world for my daughter. My mother did both and I am the person I am today because of her. I want to pass that on...
But what I didn't realize that when I idolized my mom for being a "career woman" an an active mother in my life, I had it backwards the whole time. My mom was a mom first. Her job worked around us. I get it now. Because I am doing it now.
I don't miss the stress of worrying about sick or vacation time. If my kid is sick, it's ok, because I am home. If Hubs gets to go to a conference somewhere awesome, that's awesome cause I have all the vacation time in the world!
I can be the PTA mom, a T-ball coach, car pooling, coupon-clipping, homemaker, and therapist all at the same time. I looked at my husband the other night and for the first time since I left my full-time job, I said with 100% sincerity, "I don't miss it." I love waking up each morning and drinking my coffee from an actual mug instead of a travel mug. PJ's are pretty much dress code until I have to leave the house. I only work 2 nights a week so my "Mondays" are actually Tuesday and my "Fridays" are Wednesdays. My work clothes rotation extends quite a bit now as I only need to get dressed twice a week! And the money I save on gas...
But most of all, I am here for my daughter. Here for her good days and not so good. Here for the milestones and the Dr. appts. Here for her. I am blessed that we are in a position to allow me to stay home. But then again, I know me and Hubs, if we weren't in the position, we would change our lifestyle so that we would be. Think about it, when you were in college, you did whatever you needed to do to try to get into that one class that you absolutely needed. Well, mothering is one hell of a class to sign up for!
So Cora you WILL go to college, it's not an option. And you will learn to support yourself one day. But if your destiny is to marry and have children, I hope that you learn from me what I learned from my mother, that this is a world where you can do both. But to remember your priorities and to keep them straight. And that I make mini-vans look cool.
